Let me start off with this is my very first blog ever to the world...I would also liike to add is that I only seem to type random stuff wen I have had a few drinks in my system and this is how I like to close the night before I go to bed. So for the past few journals I have typed was just on a note pad on my laptop which later i come to read and say he I have some deep feelings That i guess needs to be let out....Wat better way then to tell the world...But before i begin if you havent known by now I have a spelling/grammer problem and if you dont like it u best stop reading now...and also I dont give a flying bats crap a fuck...
So random ness thoughts for this evening...Lets start with who I am, born and raised in Hawaii which I am extremely proud in, not many people can say that...I have been through tons of feelings and emotions as many have already been though but not so many that can put into words...Have you ever heard the song by baby face..."night so lonely" is kinda of a song that truly speaks of me. The best part too describe myself is "like a clown I put on a show" ...Lets be honest I have never been the best at anything, there will always be someone better then me but I will say this that I have had my moments where I shine bright like a diamond (GOD I FUCKIN HATE THAT SONG) Yet here I am, proving most people wrong...I normally play off as the kine of person thats not so good and most things yet I am better then I put forth of what I am capable of...I guess you could say is that if I should fail people would think thats kinda of expected...
Put for the parts where I am really good and as good as I maybe I am extremely humble by people say my best is never good enough..."sigh" its a constant battle with me truly it is...Im always on a up hill battle with the world and my peers...No matter how hard I push it just seems another hill is in front of me where I need to just prove myself yet again to the world...sad to say this is the image I prob have put on myself but as Anna Akana on Youtube would say "RESPECT A MOTHER FUCKA"
On days where there is no question ya I was a bad ass that day still seems nope my best was never good enough... Even when decided to try for a new career mostly EVERYONE told me youll never get there your stupid your dumb and so forth...my most fav one is "who the fak would give you that job"....These words are coming from those who i call friends...
As of today here I am fully checked out doing the job that everyone said I could not do... Yet no one family not included gave me the respect I thought I deserve even tho I make WAYYYYY more money then the very ones who doubted me still no respect was giving....
I guess Ill give a closing to this blog since it is kinda late for me...with a simple quote "best feeling in life is doing something someone says you cant do"... This is just ONE story of how many times I have done this quote...sad to say that no matter how many times I have proven myself to everyone who has doubted me...STILL I find myself proving my self again and again just once for only once in my life I would like to get the recognition i deserve.
Theres was never a good job or a holy crap you are good and the end of my rainbow it was always "you got lucky" "well if you could do it must be easy" kind of answer no road was easy for me I struggle in everything i do just cuz I dont show it dont make it easy...read about the story of the japanese Koi fish...basically sums up my life...
That purdy somes up my life depending on how well this blog ends up youll hear from me again I go more stories and thoughts pent up in this head...goood night to all and I hope you enjoyed!
